Falling In Love
by Prevent the Dreams
Summary: It was 1942 and my life was about to change forever.
1. Giving Up My Heart

When I Fall in Love 

__

__

**By:                   **Me, Emily.

**Summary:       **It was 1942, and my life was about to change forever.

**Disclaimer:     **I do not own these characters. I simply use them for enjoyment and in no way claim to own them.  I also did not write the song, "When I Fall in Love," by Nat King Cole.

**Rating:**            PG-13… won't get too much higher, because I really don't like writing any type of smut and wouldn't be good at it. This chapter at the most is PG for references to achohol.

**Author Notes: **So, here I am writing once more. I know it's been awhile, and my last fic didn't get too much review. Probably because it was Doug and Carol, and not a Carter and Abby, or Luka and Abby fic. Well, once again, I'm writing Doug and Carol. It's in an AU. I know a little about World War II from studying it last year, but I'm not claiming that all of my facts are right, so please don't flame if I'm mistaken for anything. I'm also assuming that back then, the drinking age was eighteen, just for purposes of the story. Enjoy!

*

His smile.

It was definitely his smile that first caught my attention.  Out of the corner of my eye and across the room, I saw him grinning as he was talking to one of his buddies.  His uniform was pressed and the material clung to his body so that I could see his toned muscles well enough.  His dark hair was cut relatively short, like most of the men's hair in the room were.  But it was he who captured my eyes.

Susan had dragged me to a USO dance.  I didn't want to go.  Even though it was a Friday, I was looking forward to settling in on my bed with a fresh new book from the library.  At nineteen years old, I felt like reading was my only escape from the real world.  I didn't have any reason to go to the dance, for I was already engaged.

John was a good man.  He was going to medical school to become a doctor and had also enlisted in the army.  The United States was trying to remain neutral in the war, but it looked as if soon we would enter it on the side of the Allies.

I wasn't involved with John for love. I thought I was, but it was never for love.  It was for my mother mostly.  The depression had left us short on money, the little we had saved was just enough for the essentials, food, clothing, and shelter.

Honestly, I don't think I would have ever taken a second look at John if it weren't for my mother.  It wasn't that he was bad looking, just not my type.  He wasn't exciting.  Mary Tagliari, John's mother, was a good friend of my mother.  There were so many differences between our families; they had money, the perfect looking family, and the beautiful house.  My mother and I lived in an apartment alone.  My sisters, Rose and Mary, were older than me and had been married off right after high school.

I wasn't happy though.

John and I didn't have that connection; we didn't clique together.  I lost my virginity to him, because I never suspected anyone else would be with me.  It was more out of obligation, than because I was in love with him.  I only did it once with him, and then told him we must wait until we were married.

The wedding.

That was a whole other story.  The Tagliari's wanted an enormous wedding, and the plans they were making had not been what I had always envisioned.

The whole situation was one big headache.

Susan was my best friend.  In high school, we discovered each other and had been close ever since.  Susan was a carefree girl, who had big ambitions of going to college and becoming a teacher.  She had always loved children, and spent a lot of time on the weekend's watching her sister's daughter, Susie.  Her family was nowhere near rich, but they didn't care if Susan ever became married honestly.

When she approached me that night, I was skeptical.  Yes, these dances were suppose to be 'fun and exciting.'  Maybe you'd meet your sweetheart, but I had already met mine.

Or so I thought.

"Carol, please, you have to come with me! Elizabeth is going to be there and it'll be fun.  Come on!  I went to those boring book discussions with you, you owe me!!" Susan exclaimed flopping onto my bed.

"I know I made you go to those, but at least you didn't have to participate in anything.  You just sat there." I commented and continued reorganizing my bookshelf.

Susan grabbed the magazine laying on my bed stand and started to flip through it while she continued talking, "All you have to do is get dressed and come.  You could do the same thing as I did at your book discussion, sit there and sleep."  She smirked.  "And, it's not like you have to dance with anyone, you've already got John wrapped around your little finger," she noted gesturing towards the diamond on my ring finger.

She knew that I didn't want this, but had always remained quiet on the subject.  We didn't talk about my wedding much.  In fact only twice, when I told her I was getting married and when I asked her to be my matron of honor.

I glared at her.  "Fine, but remind me the next time I beg you to come to one of my book discussions, what I had to do in return.  Then I can almost guarantee I'll never bug you again about it."  Provoking a small laugh from her, she jumped up and gave me a hug.

"Thank you!!!!  Be ready at six, okay?"

"Fine."

Susan left and I began searching through my closet.  I discovered a red skirt and a white shirt hidden in the back.  Pulling it out, I laid it across my bed and decided to wear it tonight.  I looked in the mirror; my long curly hair was tied loosely on top of my head and was a mess.  After cleaning all day, I was sweaty and I smelled.  Looking at the clock, it read 4:30.  I decided to take a shower quickly and then start dinner.

The cool water against my body was like heaven.  Even though it was December, the tiny fire I had started in the fireplace, quickly warmed up our little apartment.  It was one of the major advantages to being on the bottom floor. I sat in the living room while my hair regained its spirals and began to read my book.  I had already eaten something earlier, and was waiting a little while before putting on makeup.

The doorknob turned on the apartment door and my mother's figure appeared.  She had the stern look she always had, but it quickly became softer when she saw the clean apartment.

"Ah, Carol, you did clean it!"

  
"Yes Ma."

"Are you coming with me to your aunt and uncle's tonight for dinner?"

"No." I said. I was trying to be as discreet as possible, I didn't think that she would appreciate me going to a dance with a bunch of men.

"Susan's?" she called from the kitchen.

"Mmmhmm." I said. I set my book down on the table and went into my room.  After applying some make-up on, I put on my pearl necklace, one of my few good pieces of jewelry. I stared down at the ring on my hand, for one night, I wanted to play it a little outside the lines.  I removed the band from my finger and place it in the box it was given to me and stuck it in my top drawer of my dresser.

I looked over myself and heard a tap at the door.

I quickly walked passed the couch in our living room/dining room where my mother was sitting and opened the door.  Susan's bubbly and eager face emerged and I tried to leave but was stopped by my mother who looked up from her sewing.

"Are you staying at Susan's tonight?"

I hid my left hand behind me and nodded. "I'm going to come back in a little while for my stuff."

"Okay, make sure you have your key, I won't be home till late."

After making it out of my house, I gave out a heavy sigh.  I hoped that my night wouldn't be a total disaster.

*
    
    _Maybe I'm old-fashioned feeling as I do._
    
    _Maybe I'm just living in the past,_
    
    _But when I meet the right one, I know I'll be true._
    
    _My first love will be my last._

*

After meeting up with Elizabeth outside the building, I was already questioning whether or not I should have come.  Inside, the music was blaring and over a hundred people were in the room, dancing and drinking.  Susan went and got us each a drink, and the strong taste of mine almost made me gag.

Susan began anticipating which man she hoped would ask her, and she and Elizabeth engrossed in a conversation.  I stood there, feeling quite out of place with the whole surrounding.  I wondered if I showed it too.

Then, I saw him.

It was only out of the corner of my eye, but I did a double take with my eyes.  He was absolutely gorgeous, and had an energy surrounding him.  I looked around the room, and noted that a few other girls had their eyes on him.  I tried to push him to the back of my mind.

My thoughts were interrupted when a man approached the group and tapped Elizabeth on the shoulder asking her to dance.  He looked sweet, he wasn't the most attractive man I had ever laid eyes on, but seemed nice enough.  Taking his hand, she turned around and grinned at us.  After Elizabeth left, Susan quickly turned her attention towards me.

"I spotted someone." She said.

"Really? Who?"

She pointed to a red haired man.  He was an average weight and average height.  I didn't quite see the attraction, but I could tell she was quite interested.  Of course, Susan wasn't the normal girl, so when she said, "Do you mind if I go over and talk to him?" it didn't surprise me at all.

"Of course not."

She smiled at me, and then walked towards him.  I wasn't enjoying myself, I thought that once I had arrived, I would have a good time, but it was actually quite the opposite.   I walked over to the bar, and decided getting a soda would be a good idea.  I never was one for alcohol, its bitter taste and the effects it had on my brain never attracted me.

Just before I reached the bar, someone knocked into me, pushing me down. 

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"  When I looked up, it was the man who I spotted across the room before.  My heart skipped a beat, but I decided to just act normal.

"It's fine." I said.  He gave me his hand and helped me up. "Did I spill your drink?" I asked.

"Yeah, but no big deal, just water."

"Well, at least let me get you another one, I was going to get a soda myself."

"Nah, it's okay. I was just going to leave." He said. Pausing for a moment, he stuck his hand out again, "I'm Doug Ross."

"Carol Hathaway." Looking down at my watch, I realized we had only been there an hour. "I'm usually not into these sorts of things, but my friend Susan," I gestured to her by the red headed man, "Insisted I come with her and my other friend Elizabeth." I then motioned my hand towards Elizabeth.

"Thought I saw you before." He said. "That's my friend Mark who's dancing with Elizabeth."

There was a silence between us for a moment, and then he asked, "So, if you're not doing anything for the next half n' hour, I was just going to get a bit to eat down at a diner near by. Want to come?"

Once again, my heart raced.  I looked into his eyes, I had only been talking to him for a few minutes, but I felt like I could trust him.  It was something unusual, something I hadn't felt ever before.

"Sure, let me just get my jacket and tell Susan I'll be back in a little bit."

Luckily, Susan was so busy with the man she was with, who she introduced as Chuck, that she didn't question me about where I was going too much.  I told her I would be back in a little bit, and hoped that she wouldn't be too hammered by the time I arrived back there.

I went outside and saw Doug standing there.  The moonlight illuminated his figure and it made me feel the butterflies in my stomach once more.  It was odd; I had never felt like this about a man before, not even John.  No one had ever caught my eyes like he did.  I wasn't sure what to think of it.

"Ready?"

"Yep, so where exactly is this diner?" I asked out of curiosity.

We began to walk side-by-side, "It's a few blocks down, Doc Magoo's, have you heard of it?"

I thought for a moment, but hadn't. "Nope.  I live on the other side of town." He raised his eyebrows so I continued, but decided not to reveal too much yet.  "Susan lives close to here, so I often spend the night in the extra bedroom in her apartment."  I paused once more, and looked to see if he was still interested, and didn't show any signs that he wasn't, "I live with my mother right now, the youngest of three girls."

"Ah, I see.  As soon as I turned eighteen I was out on my own like a shot of a bullet." He said. He stopped walking and I looked across the street and saw the diner. "There it is."

So we crossed the street and entered it, little did I know, much would change for me in the course of an hour.

*
    
    _When I fall in love,_
    
    _It will be forever._
    
    _For I'll never fall in love,_
    
    _In a restless world like this is._
    
    *
    
    After settling down at a table and ordering, he asked, "Where do you work?"
    
    I took a shallow breath and looked up at him, should I tell him about John? How miserable I was? How I was being forced into something?  Once again, those eyes, I still can't explain what I saw in them, it was something comforting and I felt like I could tell him anything.
    
    "Well, I don't work.  I wanted to become a nurse after I graduated from high school a year and a half ago, but my mother had different ideas in mind of what I was going to do. She's from Europe and still has those old school traditions of women are homemakers and men go out and work."
    
    "Can't say my family much cared what I did.  Well I guess my mother did, but it's difficult to stay in touch, she lives in Kentucky."  He said.  "So, I'm assuming you aren't in nursing school?" he asked.
    
    I smiled, "No.  We couldn't afford it anyway, but she does have this wealthy friend, Mary Tagliari.  And well, Mary has a son, John, who is a few years older then I am, and I got set up on one date and my mother continued to force everything, so now, we're engaged."
    
    He looked a bit surprised, and then looked at my left hand.  "No engagement ring?" he asked.
    
    I blushed a little, "Well, when I decided to go out tonight, I umm, left it at home.  I thought it would turn people away."
    
    "Do you love him?" he asked.
    
    "No, but I think he's in love with me." I said in a hushed voice.  "I can't believe I'm telling you all this, you're very easy to talk to."
    
    "Well, I am a bartender part time for money." He said.
    
    "So, Doug Ross, tell me, what exactly is your life story since I told you some of mine?"
    
    "I don't know, do you have days?" he asked with a grin.
    
    I looked at my watch, "I have about forty-five minutes." I said smiling back.
    
    "Okay, well, I grew up in Kentucky.  Only child, I don't think my father ever really wanted kids, but my mom became pregnant and look who they ended up with." He said chuckling, and I gave out a small laugh.  "My dad, well, to say he was a drunk would be putting it lightly.  He liked to pack up and go on gambling trips for a few days." He stopped for a moment, his eyes looked troubled.
    
    I touched his hand gently from across the table, "It's okay, you don't have to go into detail if you want."
    
    "No, it's just I never told anyone this."
    
    "I never told anyone that I didn't want to get married, so I guess we're even."
    
    "Well, things were fine for awhile.  My mother and I got used to being on our own without him for periods of time, and then he would come home and things would go back to normal.  Until I was eight, my father never did anything, and by the time he got home, he would be sobered up. But then, he started coming home wasted and hitting my mother. It lasted for five years, until they got divorced."
    
    "I ended up living with my mom, and I've only seen my dad a few times since. When I turned eighteen, I enlisted in the army because I didn't know what else to do.  I wanted to be a pediatrician, but we just didn't have the money to go to med school, so I decided I would start to save for it.  And that's what I've been doing."
    
    It was odd, we both had so much in common, neither of us having a father figure in our lives at a young age, and being denied something we wanted because of money.  I was so attracted to him, and I didn't know what to do.
    
    I didn't want to not ever see him again.
    
    Our food came and we involved ourselves throughout the meal in deep conversation.  When it came time to pay the bill, I found myself wondering once more if this was going to be good-bye.
    
    "How much do I owe you?" I asked.
    
    "It's on me." He said pulling the money out from his wallet and setting it down on the table. He stood up and grabbed my jacket handing it to me.
    
    "Doug, really, I can pay."
    
    "No, my idea, I pay." He said smiling.  He held open the door leading to the outside world, and I went out. "Let me walk you back." He said.
    
    "You don't have to do that."
    
    "It's on my way."  So we walked by to the hall and finally got there.  I stopped, and looked at him.
    
    "You know, I never talked to anyone about any of that stuff before." I said quietly.
    
    "Me either, want to do lunch next week?" he asked hopefully.  I smiled, because I was thinking the same exact thing.
    
    "Sure, why don't you give me your number and I'll call you, my mother has some crap set up for this week, so I have to figure out when we could." He searched through his pockets and found a piece of paper and scribbled his number down.
    
    "So I'll see you next week?"
    
    "Yep." He said. He leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek, "See you then."
    
    I touched my cheek, things weren't going to be the same.
    
    *
    
    _Love has ended before it's begun_
    
    _And too many moonlight kisses_
    
    _Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun._
    
    _When I give my heart_
    
    _It will be completely._
    
    _For I'll never give my heart,_
    
    _And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too_
    
    _Is when I fall in love with you._
    
    *

Okay, so there's the beginning to what hopefully will be my fan fiction series.  I've only really written stand alones, so this is kind of new to me.

I would ***really*** love if you could leave me a review.  I want to hear if you hated or loved it.  I know my writing isn't the best, but I'm only a freshman, so I'm still learning and expanding. Grammar and spelling also aren't my favorite things, lol, so I apologize for anything that is worded badly.

Till I write again.

-Emily


	2. Just You and Me

_Just You and Me_

__

__

**By:                   **Me, Emily.

**Summary:             **It was 1942, and my life was about to change forever.

**Disclaimer:             **I do not own these characters. I simply use them for enjoyment and in no way claim to own them.  I also did not write the song, "I Love You," by Sarah McLachlan.

**Rating:**            PG-13… won't get too much higher, because I really don't like writing any type of smut and wouldn't be good at it.

**Author Notes:            **Okay, so I actually wrote this chapter prior to posting the first one, so I'll post it not matter what.  My creative juices were flowing… but that doesn't mean this is good.  I also wrote this and edited it myself, so there are probably a few grammatical and spelling errors, so please disregard them! This chapter also involves more of Susan, Elizabeth, and Mark… I'm trying to add in some other characters so hopefully there will be more of an interest in my writing.

*
    
    _I have a smile,_
    
    _stretched from ear to ear._
    
    _To see you walking down the road,_
    
    _we meet at the lights._
    
    _I stare for a while,_
    
    _the world around disappears._

*

I went back inside the hall to discover Susan had left, and I had a pretty good idea where she had went.  I noticed Chuck wasn't there either.  Across the room, I spotted Elizabeth and the man who she was dancing with, Mark, I believed Doug called him.  She saw me also, and waved me down.

I walked over and found them laughing.

"Carol!" she shouted.

I could tell she was barely sober, "So Elizabeth, have a few drinks tonight?" I asked with a smile.

"I tried to stop her, warned her that she would have a terrible hangover, but she insisted." Mark said.  "I'm Mark."  He said extended handing.

"Carol." I said shaking his hand.  "Thank you so much for taking care of Elizabeth, I went out for a bite to eat and…"

"I know; I saw you and Doug."

"Yeah, we went to this place called Doc Magoo's, I'd never been there before. Guess I shouldn't have left her here.  You wouldn't have seen my friend Susan have you?"

"She left with that Chuck guy.  Said she would be back later, but hasn't.  I think they were going to her place if you know what I mean." He said smiling.

"Yeah, yeah, I think that was her goal tonight."  I turned back to Elizabeth who was getting ready to order another round of drinks and decided that I should get her back to her apartment; maybe I would just stay there.

"Would you umm, mind helping me get Elizabeth back to her apartment.  I can make a pot of coffee or something and see if she sobers up a bit.  Wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea of her." I said with a laugh.

"It's okay, we had fun.  Most everyone orders too many drinks at these things, after a few hangovers, you know what's your limit."

Putting an arm around Elizabeth, he practically dragged her out of the place; I found the whole situation quite amusing though.  Elizabeth, Susan, and I had only gone out drinking a few times, but never had we gotten drunk, except once, but we were all so wasted, none of us could remember what happened.  Somehow we all ended up at Susan's.

Gathering our coats, I checked my pocket to make sure Doug's number was still in there and found the number still tucked in right where I put it.  Throwing the coat on over myself, I began to walk towards the outside where I saw Mark and Elizabeth.  I handed her, her coat and then showed Mark where her apartment was.

We made it inside, after a much amusing walk with Elizabeth, and Mark set her down on her bed.  He came out into the kitchen where I was making a pot of coffee.

I poured two cups and handed him one.

Sitting down, I began to talk to him.  He was nice and I liked him a lot.  I could see he and Doug joining our little threesome of friends every so often for a drink or something.

"So, you like Elizabeth?" I asked with a grin.

"She's really rambunctious, but I do like her.  Although, I've never seen someone down so many drinks in so little time." He said with a laugh.

"We don't go drinking much, but when we do, she and Susan drink a lot."

"And what about you?"

"No, not me, I was never fond of achohol.  Plus, if I have to go home, my mother seeing me trashed is not my idea of fun." I said.

"Still live with your parents?"

"Just my mother."

"Oh." He looked at his watch, "Jeez, it's almost midnight.  I should really be getting home, I just wish I could say good-bye.  Do you think if you gave me her number she would get mad?"

"No, not at all." Writing it down for him, he smiled gratefully and said good-bye.  I went into Elizabeth's bedroom to find her heavily asleep on her bed, and I rummaged through her drawers looking for something that comfortable that she had borrowed from me.  I finally found pajama's and went into the bathroom and changed.

Walking out into her living room, I found a blanket and got myself comfortable on the couch.  I thought about calling Susan, but decided to just do it in the morning.  Shutting my eyes, I discovered myself falling into a peaceful slumber, dreaming about the night's events.

*
    
    _Just you and me,_
    
    _on this island of hope._
    
    _A breath between us could be miles._
    
    _Let me surround you,_
    
    _my sea to your shore._
    
    _Let me be the calm you seek._

*

The next day was a bit hectic.  After catching up with Susan, the three of us had lunch to talk about the previous night.  I brought them to Doc Magoo's.

"Okay, so Susan, tell us about this Chuck!" Elizabeth said excited.

"Well," she said getting our interest, "he's like the sweetest guy I've ever met in my life."  Then she paused.

"And the best sex!"

"You little slut!" Elizabeth exclaimed jokingly, "Did you really last night?"

"Yep." She said proudly.

"I wish I could be like you Susan." I stated.

The truth was, I did.  After spending that hour with Doug, I had never desired a man so much in my life.  Reality though was beginning to set in, the fact of the matter was I hadn't talked to John in almost two days and I was going to have to.  But I couldn't say a word about Doug, he would get jealous.

And I wondered.

Somehow, I questioned my commitment to John.  It was odd, I hadn't even kissed Doug, he had only given me a kiss on the cheek and yet I felt as if I had cheated on John.  Making because the kiss symbolized something more then just a friendly acquaintance, there was a fire that burned between us.  We had so much chemistry, Doug and I.

Most of the things I had talked to him about, I never knew I was really thinking them.  I was just talking about what was ever spilling out my mouth, about my father, and feeling lost.  I hadn't even told Susan or Elizabeth I had felt this way, yet this total stranger knew all this.

But he didn't seem like a stranger to me.

"Carol, come on! You're engaged, to someone wealthy, someone who is going to give you a good life!  You would give that up for one wild night?" she asked.

At the time, I didn't quite understand the reverse psychology she was doing, I don't even know if she realized she was doing it, but I felt the words, "I guess," come right out of my mouth.

Elizabeth intervened when there was a moment of silence, "What did you think of Mark, Carol?" she asked.  I could tell she was very interested in my opinion.  "I noticed that he left his number, did you give him mine?"  She was like a little kid on Christmas.

"I did give him your number." I said smiling.  "I talked to him, he seems like a great guy, I think that you should go for it."

The rest of lunch, we continued to talk girl talk, but I just couldn't get my mind off of Doug.

I went home and found my mother and John sitting at the kitchen table with papers laid out all over. 

"Carol! Where have you been?" My mother asked.

I quickly thought; she would be suspicious if she knew that it was just me who stayed at Elizabeth's and not Susan also. I could hear the questions now, 'What happened to Susan?' or 'Where did you go?'

"Well, Susan and I ended up meeting up with Elizabeth last night and staying at her apartment.  And then, we woke up and got ready and went out to lunch."

"Where's your ring?" John asked gesturing towards my hand.

Shit! My ring, what was I going to say?  I finally thought of something, "I left it in my room last night, I was applying lotion to my hands and forgot to put it back on.  Will you excuse me for a moment? I want to change out of these clothes, we didn't get a chance to come home and get fresh clothes last night."

I walked into my bedroom and reached in my coat pocket and found Doug's number.  I took it and went into my closet, where I found a box.  I had put things that were special to me since I was little in this box, and place the number inside.

Then I stuck it back on the shelf.

*
    
    _Oh and every time I'm close to you,_
    
    _there's too much I can't say._
    
    _And you just walk away,_
    
    _and I forgot to tell you,_
    
    _I love you._

*

"Two-hundred people?" I asked in amazement.

"Something wrong?" John asked.

I glanced over the list of people, "John, I don't even know two-hundred people.  Who is Herbert Johnson?"

"A son of a colleague of my father's." John said.

I sighed.  My mother had left twenty minutes ago to go grocery shopping and I was overwhelmed with what had been done with the wedding.  How had all of this been planned without me?  Wasn't it supposed to be **my** wedding?

"Now tell me why we're inviting him?" I asked.

"Because I went to his."

"So?!?!  John, two-hundred people is ridiculous!  This is my wedding too! It's supposed to be special and intimate, not some big show for a bunch of people I don't know to come to and socialize.  It's supposed to be a celebration of our marriage, not a get together for all these people I don't know, so they can criticize the food and the way the church is set up."  
  


"Well Carol, I have an obligation to invite certain people."

"But why? You don't even know them, who cares if they come?"

"That's how things work with my family."

"Right, your family has all the money so they decide everything.  Well I can't take it anymore.  A marriage is a partnership, two people working together, and if we're going to make this work, I need you to work with me and think about what I want, not what my or your family wants.  I know you feel like you have to do certain things, but you don't!  This is your life, not your mother or father's so start living **your **life."

Frustrated, I decided that I was tired.

"Look, I was up late last night with Elizabeth and Susan, do you think we can do this tomorrow night or something?"

"Yeah, sure." He said annoyed.  He grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.  I walked into my bedroom and threw myself on my bed.  My mind was so distracted.  Going into my closet, I searched for what I was looking for.

Out in the living room I dialed the numbered scribbled on the piece of paper.

"Hello?"

"Doug?" I asked.

"Hey Carol.  Figure out a time we can have lunch next week?"

"Umm, not exactly.  What about tonight, dinner?" I asked anxiously.  It was a bit forward, but I really wanted to talk to him.  I needed to talk to him, after last night, I thought he would make a difference and help.

"Uhh, sure.  Where do you want to meet?" he asked.

"I don't know, down by Doc Magoo's and we can decide to go somewhere from there around 6:00?"

"Sounds good."  My voice must have sounded shaky, because then he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

Hanging up the phone, I felt a quiet satisfaction build inside of me.

I look myself over in the mirror for the hundredth time, and felt as happy with how I look as I as going to.  After putting on my jacket and I scribbled a note down, for my mother so she did not wonder where I was.

_Ma,_

_I went to Susan's again tonight.  I know, two nights in a row, but I'm a big girl.  We're going out so don't expect to get a hold of me if you try to call, who knows we may even end up at Elizabeth's again.  I'll see you tomorrow._

_And please also, don't talk to John anymore about the wedding until you and I talk about it._

_-Carol_

While it was a little harsh, I didn't care.  I was so aggravated by the whole circumstances of the wedding, I was getting ready not to show up.  Taking my key and stuffing it in my pocket, I grabbed my little bag and headed over to Susan's to ask her a favor before I met Doug.

*
    
    _And the night's too long,_
    
    _and cold here without you._
    
    _I grieve in my condition,_
    
    _for I cannot find the strength to say I need you so_
    
    *

I knocked on the door and heard the bolts unlock, "Carol! What are you doing here?"

"I need to ask you a favor."

"Sure."

"If my mother calls, tell her I'm here.  And you don't mind if I crash in the extra bedroom tonight, do you?"

"Of course not, but what's going on?" she asked with much curiosity in her voice.

"Look, I don't have time right now, but I'll tell you later, okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine."  I walked in and threw a bunch of stuff that was scrunched up in my small bag on the chair in the bedroom.

"Thanks, I owe you a million."

"Two million!" She yelled out the door.

Walking down the street towards Doc Magoo's, I spotted Doug's figure.  He looked exactly like he had last night when I had walked out of the hall.  I smiled to myself, and noted that he was wearing regular street clothes as I approached him.

"Hey." I said.  I wasn't sure how to act, overly excited, emotional, or just like everything was fine.

"So, where do you want to go?" he asked.

"I don't know, somewhere that we can talk?" I asked hopefully.

"Ah, so you're just using me as an excuse to get out of your house?" he asked with a laugh.

"Pretty much." I replied jokingly.

Putting an arm around my shoulder, he guided in a direction, "Okay, I have the perfect place."  Neither of us at first noticed we had began holding hands after he dropped his arm, it just happened naturally, it seemed to be right.

We arrived at a small Italian restaurant that looked like the exact place I wanted to go. "It's perfect."  I said as we walked in.

"Thought you would like it."

After being seated I found myself overwhelmed with where to start.  "So, something happen tonight?" he asked reading my mind once more.

So I started from the beginning and just continued to spill my heart to him again.  "And now, the guest list is over two-hundred, the church is so big I could fit double the size of the amount of people we're inviting, and I don't know why I'm doing this anymore."  I felt a tear stain my face and he quickly brushed it away with his thumb.

When our dinner arrived, I decided to change the conversation; I didn't want to get anymore into detail, because I was afraid what else I would reveal.  Once again, he insisted on paying the bill, which I tried to object to, but he was stubborn and wouldn't let me pay.

"Are you going back to your mother's tonight?" he asked while we walked towards the direction of Susan's apartment.  His hand had somehow found mine for a second time and neither of us noticed.

"No, Susan's.  My mother, would just, interrogate me about everything, convince me to go along with it, but it's not what I want.  I don't even know what I want anymore."  Once again the tears resurfaced and he wiped them away.

The snow had begun to fall, which wasn't unusual considering it was the beginning of December in Chicago, but we both seemed to be oblivious to what was happening around us.

"Listen to me, it's going to be okay, it will work okay."  I looked up towards him, and I felt the chemistry that had been lingering between us all night reach its climax. Slowly I leaned towards him and pressed my lips upon his.

It was everything I imagined it would be, like the princess meeting her prince in all of the books I had read.  All thoughts of the wedding, John Tagliari, my mother, and everything else occupying my mind escaped.  Everything but him.

Slowly pulling away, his forehead touched mine.

"Carol, you shouldn't be doing this.  I wouldn't want you to get yourself into a bigger mess." He said softly.  "I wouldn't want anything to happen to you."

"I don't care." I murmured and pulled his face to mine once more.  "I have never done anything outside the box before, and you are most definitely outside of the box, and I like it." I whispered to him and felt his lips reach mine once more.

"Let's not doing anything tonight, let me walk you back to Susan's."

So he wrapped his arm around my waist and walked me to her building.  Walking me up the steps I kissed him again, it felt as if I was addicted.  Doug Ross was going to be my bad habit, my addiction.  "Meet me back here tomorrow night at 9:00, I'll sneak out."

"Okay."

One last kiss to satisfy my taste buds for the night and he disappeared.

Doug Ross wasn't my bad habit though, he was just my addiction.

*
    
    _Oh and every time I'm close to you,_
    
    _there's too much I can't say,_
    
    _And you just walk away._
    
    _And I forgot to tell you,_
    
    _I love you,_
    
    _And the night's too long_
    
    _and cold here without you._
    
    *
    
    Ah, you've gotten this far, won't you leave me something?
    
    Thank you to my TWO reviewers, you guys gave me the courage to post my this chapter, and of course, thanks to the gals at the AOL boards… you rock =)
    
    Till I write once more,
    
    - Emily


	3. Those Dreams of Fairytales

_Those Dreams of Fairytales_

**By:                   **Emily [Prevent the Dreams]

**Summary:       **It was 1942, and my life was about to change forever.

**Disclaimer:     **I do not own these characters. I simply use them for enjoyment and in no way claim to own them.  I also did not write the songs, "Be Here to Love Me" by Norah Jones, "Poisoned By Fairytales" by Don Henley, and "Your Secret Love" by Luther Vandross.

**Rating:**            PG-13… won't get too much higher, because I really don't like writing any type of smut and wouldn't be good at it.

**Author Notes: **I know, I know.  This took forever, but after vacation ended, school has made my life a living hell.  So much homework, too many tests, and no life.  Then after going back to swim practice, that has just made less time to go on the computer.  I'm determined to finish this fic though, even though it's no where to even close to being done. –sigh- I will finish this by summer, I'm determined, or at this before I go to Italy in July.  I know that seems like a long time away, but it's only in three months, woohoo! Once again, thank you to my reviewers, even though I only have a few.  You guys are one of the few reasons I write!

*

Upon entering Susan's apartment, I found her listening to the radio.  A grin was spread across my face a mile wide, and it was quite obvious.  Practically jumping up when I came in, she immediately began to question what was going on.

"So tell me, what exactly are you up to??" she asked excited.

"Well, I saw Doug again."

"The guy from the USO dance?"

"Yeah."  I paused for a moment, I hadn't exactly thought out the consequences of my actions yet, was I ready to tell Susan what I did?

Sure, it was just a kiss, but that was it, it wasn't just any kiss.  It was the most incredible feeling I ever had in my life, and I knew that I couldn't ever get away from him now.

Was it possible that I was already in love?  It was too easy, to cheesy, too predicable, these sorts of things weren't suppose to happen in real life.  John Tagliari was real, that was how marriage and life was suppose to work out.

Not Doug Ross.

"So… is that all you're going to tell me?" asked Susan.

"I kissed him."  I blurted out.

"WHAT? You kissed him??"  She seemed excited, like it was something she wanted to happen to me.  "Give me the details."

Considering we had been out of high school for over a year now, it seemed as if we were still those freshman girls who had just had their first kiss.  Our friendship was something genuine, yet I knew that we could always count on each other for a good time.

"You promise you won't tell anyone?  I'm revealing my darkest secrets here."  I said, but I knew that it wasn't completely true, oddly enough, Doug probably knew my deepest secrets.

"Carol, of course not, now tell!"

"Well, things were just crumbling on top of me with the wedding and everything, so I called him up to see if he wanted to do dinner.  It was something unusual I felt with him, this connection, I can't even explain, both of us had just completely opened up to each other the night before.   I felt like I could tell him anything."

I looked at Susan's expectant face and continued, "So, we went out to dinner and it was just wonderful.  I felt like I knew him, like I had known him forever, so right before we came near your apartment building, I kissed him."

I sighed, but not out of exasperation, "It was the most amazing kiss."

"Oh Carol! That's great…" Susan's voice began to decline in tone though, "What about John?" she asked quietly.

She rarely spoke of John, but when she did, it usually was something concerning the wedding or a double date we had set.

"It just made me realize, I don't love him.  But I can't do anything now, the wedding and my mother.  It's an obligation."

"Your wedding shouldn't be an obligation Carol."

"I know."  Looking down at the floor, my eyes wandered.  "I'm really tired, let's call it a night, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I want to meet this Doug." She said smiling.

Finally, I got an idea.  "Hey, why don't you, Elizabeth, and I meet up with Doug, Mark, and Chuck for drinks tomorrow?"

"I don't know if I want to embarrass myself again." She said provoking a laugh from the both of us.  "Sounds good to me.  We'll figure it out tomorrow."

I walked into the spare bedroom and threw on the pajamas I had stuffed in my small bag before.  I pulled back the covers on the bed and fell into a peaceful slumber with one thing occupying my mind, Doug.

*

_Your eyes seek conclusion in,_

_all this confusion of mine._

_  
Though you and I both know it's_

_only the warm glow of wine._

  
That's got you to feeling this way,

_but I don't care,_

_  
I want you to stay._

  
Just hold me and tell me you'll be here to love me today.

*

I woke up early the next morning, it was the brunch I had been dreading for a few days now.  John's parents insisted that we have a 'get together' with his fifty closest friends, or rather their fifty closest friends.  I knew I was obligated to go and there was no way of getting out of it.

I changed into old clothes and wrote a note to Susan who was still sleeping.  I had to get home and change.

Once I arrived home, I found my mother cleaning up the kitchen.  She glared at me, "Carol, where were you last night?"

"Went to Susan's." I said.

I began to walk towards the bathroom when I heard, "You're spending an awful lot of time there lately."

"Well, it's the only place I don't hear about the damn wedding." I stated harshly.

"Excuse me for wanting to make this day perfect!"

"Ma, it's not that!  This is my wedding, shouldn't I be planning it?  I swear, I walk in this apartment every day and find a new thing added or another guest added to the list.  This isn't the wedding I want, a small intimate ceremony, a quiet reception…"

"Carol, those are fairytale dreams.  This is real life."

"But that's just it Ma, it can be a fairytale."

I walked into the bathroom and stripped off my dirty clothes.  The hot steam felt good against my skin, I sighed as the water cascaded down my body.  My mind was filled with thoughts of Doug; _it can be a fairytale._

Stepping out, I dried off my body with a towel and wrapped my robe around myself.  Taking another towel, I scrunched my hair to try to get out water.  The ringlets quickly began to form once more.  Looking in the mirror I stared at myself.

I sighed, and walked into my bedroom.  Pulling out a black dress, I slipped it on.  I grabbed the pearls sitting in my dresser drawer and slung them around my neck.  I looked like I was from the 1920's, and I liked it.  I remember very little from back then; we lived in a big house, and the sun bled through my windows every morning.

In our backyard there was a big a tree my sisters and I would take turns swinging on it.

I didn't remember much more.  I applied some lipstick and pulled some of my hair back with a pearl barrette.  Giving myself a passing grade, I opened up my bedroom and heard voices.  Oh crap, please don't let it be John; I needed a little more time to prepare myself before I had to face him.

I couldn't help but feel a little guilt that I had betrayed him; I was human after all.  I had never in my life lied about something, but with Doug it was different.  I didn't feel like I was lying because I was being 'bad,' but for a reason much deeper.  Walking into the living room, I realized it was Louisa Jenkins and her daughter, Marie.

I had met them a few months ago, after my mother and John introduced us.  Most of the daughters of my mother's friends I could not even bare to be around, let alone have a conversation or listen to, but Marie was different.

She was kind of like me.

I gave her a smile, and greeted her mother.  "Good morning Mrs. Jenkins." I said politely, while I liked Marie, her mother was a different story.

"Carol, my goodness you look gorgeous!" she said with that fake smile plastered on her face and lipstick all over her teeth.  Louisa Jenkins was one of those distinct people you could never forget, her face stuck out in a crowd.

"Why, thank you."

We left the apartment, and arrived at the restaurant the Tagliari's were holding the brunch at.  I was quite surprised it wasn't being held at their mansion.  All of the upper class families loved to show off their gigantic homes and see who could out do each other.

I spotted John at the bar with a drink in his hand, but that wasn't what caught my attention.  It was who was standing behind him serving the drinks at the bar.

Doug.

*

_Remember when the days were long_

_  
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky_

_  
Didn't have a care in the world_

_  
With mommy and daddy standin' by_

_  
But "happily ever after" fails_

_  
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales_

_  
The lawyers dwell on small details_

_  
Since daddy had to fly_

_*_

John didn't notice me, but Doug did.  He gave me a smile and I returned one.  John finally popped his head up and came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Running late today?" he asked.  What bothered me the most was he acted as if nothing had happened the day before, so I played along.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to get something to drink.  I'll meet you back at the table."

I walked over and looked to see if anyone was around, but it looked as if everyone had begun to order food. 

"So, make any good tips today?" I asked when his back was turned; he was organizing a bunch of drinks.

"Nah, you know these guys are cheapskates." He said.

He came closer and I whispered, "Meet me tonight by Susan's around seven, we're going out for drinks."

I walked away and felt his eyes on me, and smiled once more.  I sat down at the table where John and his parents were, and my mother, and Marie were sitting at.  I smiled at her gratefully.

The others were so engrossed in conversation they didn't even realize the two of us were talking. "Who's that?" she asked with her eyes pointing towards the bar.

"Just this guy." I said not wanting to state too much with everyone so close.

"Really?" she said not believing a word I was saying.

"I have to go freshen up." I stated.

Both of us got up and walked towards the bathroom.

"Okay, spill it." she said as soon as we reached the bathroom.

"You have to promise on your life you won't tell anyone."

"Fine, fine… tell me!"  She reminded me of how Susan was the night before.

"I met him two days ago, and we just clicked.  I have this attraction to him; I don't know what it is about him.  And well, we kissed, and it was so amazing."

She grinned, "Welcome to my life, sneaking around and sleeping with more interesting guys than these rich assholes who think they know everything because they have money."  She took a cigarette out of her bag and lit it.

"Want one?"

"Nah…" I smiled at Marie.  She was gorgeous, she had long, silk blond hair that went down way past her shoulders.  It shined and was perfectly straight, and I envied her with a passion.  Her sparkling blue eyes could catch any man she wanted and her slim figure didn't hurt.  She was only seventeen, but could easily pass for twenty-one if she wanted to, which gave her no problem getting men.

"So, when is your mother going to try to marry you off?"

"Who the hell knows, I can't stand these damn men she keeps hinting at." She put out her cigarette and opened the bathroom door, but little did I know, someone was in one of the stalls and heard every word of our conversation.

Brunch was over with and I saw Doug cleaning up the bar, and desperately to say good-bye, but knew I wouldn't be able to get over there.

"Lovely brunch, Mrs. Tagliari."  I said.

"Thank you, but you can call me Mary." Smiling, she walked over to talk to a bunch of other people who I didn't have the slightest idea were.  Marie walked over towards me, "Want to go out tonight?" she asked quietly,

"Actually, I already am."  I paused for a moment,  "Want to come?  We're going to a bar I think for drinks."

A smile instantly spread across her face.  "Of course!"

I wrote down Susan's address, "Meet me there."

*

Whether or not the world gets better 

_  
You and I and love will be together, together_

_  
Whether or not the world gets better_

_  
You and I will truly survive_

_  
And it's all because our love will never die_

_  
Never ever die_

*_  
  
_

By the time we arrived home from the brunch, it was already 2:00.  John insisted on coming over at 3:00 to talk more about the wedding, and my mother was going to make sure this time she was there to give her non-wanted opinion.

I changed into a skirt and shirt and pulled my hair back, I decided to save the dress I was wearing this morning for when we went out later that night.

I heard a knock at the door and my mother answered it.

"Susan… and Elizabeth"

"Hello Mrs. Hathaway, is Carol home?" Susan asked.

"Yes, but she's busy."  I smiled; my mother never did like Susan.

I walked out of my bedroom, "Hey guys, what are you doing here?"  My mother shot me a dirty look.

"Just wanted to see if you were busy."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, wedding stuff."  Suddenly, I got an idea.

"Hey, Ma?  Why don't Elizabeth and Susan take me dress shopping, see if we can find anything?"  They shot me a grin; they had something up their sleeve.

She walked out of the kitchen area, and thought for a moment.  "Fine, but you better have a dress picked out to buy for when I go with you."

It annoyed me how she treated me as if I was a six-year-old picking out a dress for a birthday party, I was an adult, I could pick out my own dress whenever I wanted.  But, I wasn't in the mood for an argument, so I satisfied her, "Sounds good, let's go girls."

We walked out of the apartment building and began going towards the dress shop.  "So, what's really going on?"

"We're still on for drinks, right?" asked Elizabeth.

"Ah, I see Susan hasn't wasted any time today."  I said with a laugh while Susan smirked.

"Of course not, you know me.  I talked to Chuck and ran into Mark when I went to pick up some bread… did you talk to Doug?"  Susan asked.

"You guys are not going to believe this, he was the bartender at the brunch we were at this morning!  I talked to him for a minute or two, but god knows if I talked to him any longer, my mother would have noticed and had a hissy fit.  I swear, if I had the money, I'd get my own apartment in seconds!"

We arrived at the shop and I tried on some dresses.  Then I found one, it was perfect, staring in the mirror; I knew this was the dress for my wedding.  Elizabeth and Susan smiled.  They knew that this was the dress too.  Yet, I couldn't bring myself to hold this one.  I couldn't wear it if I was marrying Tag.

He wasn't the one.

*

You got this far, just click that little review button for me?

Pretty please?

Till I write again,

~Emily


End file.
